Surviving Single: The Bouquet Toss

Because the ladies who run this blog are currently all single and have thus far managed to survive numerous weddings (and life in general) as singletons we have decided to share our secrets to surviving single.  For the first installment I am going to touch on the single most horrifying tradition at weddings: the bouquet toss.

I am a firm believer that this is one tradition that you can definitely skip, but because it really doesn’t cost any money I can’t justify it as a way to cut the budget, and we all know that the budget is the only reason things get cut.  I also believe that since the bouquet toss is inevitable the only people that should be required to participate are girls under the age of 13 (because it’s just cute when they catch the bouquet) and women who are in a serious relationship (we’re talking  he’s-probably-going-to-propose-tomorrow serious).  However, because we live in the real world where cake has calories, grandmothers and nosy aunts are going to continue pushing us super single gals towards the toss.  My experience with this has lead me to assemble the following tips:

1. Avoid the toss before it begins.

They’re cutting cake and someone said the word garter?  Make a strategic exit to the restroom, or suddenly claim to be faint and in need of fresh air. I would recommend getting a piece of cake to take with you.  Cake is always the first priority (I mean after the bride, of course).

2. Identify the pushers and stand far away from them.

No matter what wedding you are at, there will be one or more pushers that are hell bent on catching the bouquet (they clearly don’t know about the cake).  You can tell who they are because they will be right at the front with their arms outstretched before the DJ even finishes calling for all single ladies.  For you own physical safety stay away from these women.  Find a comfortable spot near the back and preferably close to the cake table.

bouquet

Found this epic bouquet fight on Goggle images

3. Accompany a child to the dance floor for the toss.

Nothing is more mortifying than walking to the center of the room so that your single status is out there for everyone to see.  Of course, if you’ve caught the eye of a hot single groomsmen this could work in your favor, but let’s just assume that hasn’t happened.  To avoid this embarrassment find a girl who looks super excited to catch the bouquet and guide her to the floor.  This way it looks like she was excited but too shy to go alone, and you are just accompanying her. Plus if the bouquet happens to be heading in your way you can lift up the girl so she can catch it instead.

4.  Pretend to be sad when you didn’t catch the bouquet.

There is nothing worse than actually catching the bouquet.  You catch the flowers and then the questions and comments start:  “Who’s going to be the lucky guy?”,   “Ooooo, looks like your next.”,  ” Now that you have the bouquet all you need is a good  haircut and some lipstick to catch your man.”   Hopefully, you’ve avoided these comments by following the first few tips, but don’t think you are out of the clear yet.  If you didn’t catch the bouquet, you need to be super upset about it because being happy about not catching the bouquet is going to lead to a whole different set of annoying questions.  As evident by the picture below, I tend to be a bit dramatic in my performance, but you can find a more subtle reaction.

My friend's sister actually caught the bouquet. I just "attempted" to steal it.

My friend’s sister actually caught the bouquet. I just “attempted” to steal it.

Being single at a wedding is never easy. It’s like being single on Valentine’s Day, but ten times worse.  I hope these tips help you at least survive the bouquet toss.  When it comes to exes and drunk relatives, survival might be a little more difficult.  

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